Whoever She Is

I get on the bus. Pat has Rian pinned on the table. Impressive. Jared is filming on a flip camera while Garrett and John pull can after can of silly string out of his pockets and a can of red spray paint.  Oh no. I think. They run, and I fallow Me and John silly string the inside of the bus while Garrett and Jared go to the trailer. Apparently Jared can pick locks well. “I knew you liked hurting people but Garrett?” “What?” I say and I stop silly stringing. If that’s even a word! “You hurt him” “how” “you lead him on at the hotel and then ignored him and went off flirting with Alex.” Oh god! What did I do why do these stupid sleeping pill make me forget everything!  “I have no idea what your talking about” he rolls his eyes and I got out to the trailer.

“WEL

COME

TO

TEWR”

Is spray painted on a wall of merch boxes. In bright red paint!

 

I wake up by being thrown out of bed, along with everyone else except Amelia who is sitting in the floor next to the table, a bowl of Captain Crunch in all over her front and lap. “Engine ran out of gas.” The driver says, “Even though we filled it up right before the last venue. We should have another 50 miles on the tank.” We all look at each other, while we stand up. Cody pulls out his phone, “You ass whole, you stiffened our gas!” its on speaker phone now and a groggy sounding Alex replys, “Yes, yes I did. Oh and Welcome to tewr!” then he hangs up. Thankfully we have extra gas on board and manage to get back on the road with in 15 minutes.

“We are California Bound and sorry if were off, we didn’t sound check do to All Time Low finding everyway possible to delay us today. Feel free to boo them when they come out.” Cody says. And he’s not kidding! Besides the Gas, they punctured or oil pan, so we had to call AAA to send a tow truck with a new one. They also super glued our bathroom shut we had to stop every 3 hours.

---------------
i know its short.. sorry!
ok so i finished this on paper... about 5 more parts... then i have an idea for my next one.... it involves legoland! be excited!

I look up, Garrett has somehow tackled me while being tackled and Kenny gave a very half assed effort to break it up. “NOT ON MY COUCH!” The guys move and I see a lady, about Pat’s height standing there. She looks happy, not pissed like I expected.

“Yeah not on her couch” I hear someone say sarcastically. I turn and see a guy, Kenny’s height with long light brown low lighted hair. His face is similar to Pat’s and his muscular arms are visible even through his bright yellow shirt, which somehow matches his black basket ball shorts.

“Tim shut up!” John says, hitting him square in the side of the head with a pillow.

“Whatever, Just make sure you hide Pats body after you kill him” Pat runs and jumps on Tim, who effortlessly dumps him onto the couch. “Hey, introduce me to company!” Tim says looking at me. I suddenly feel extremely uncomfortable.

“This is Canada” Garrett says, I extend my hand and say hi. He does the same. But looks confused.

“It’s a nickname.” I say and I feel a blush creep onto my cheeks. My phone starts ringing and before I can grab it Garrett reaches into my jacket pocket and flips it open. “Give that’s back!” I say

“No she’s busy right now”

“No I’m not give it back!” I say trying to get the phone but he switches ears and I get a handful of air.

“I’ll tell her. Bye” He closes my phone.

“You need to go home” Garrett says, sticking out his bottom lip. I’ve never seen someone looks so funny while looking so sad. And I can’t help but smile. “What me being sad makes you happy?”

“Maybe it does. And maybe your face is just so funny I have to laugh” I say giving him a smirk

“Whatever. I have to get going to its 9 already” He says, “Want I ride?”

“I think I can find my way across the street” I say, I thank Pat and his mom for letting me come over and say good bye to everyone. And head out the door.

“If you wont let me drive you, let me walk you.”

“Fine.” I say I try to keep my cool but Its been a while since I’ve been this happy top be walked home.

We get to my door and I say goodnight. And Hug him. Then. Now way this is not happening. It is! Then its over. Wow. I get in side and pull out my phone. And cal Amelia.

“Garrett Nickelsen, Pat Kirch. What do you know?”

“There kinda weird. They sit with this one chick at lunch everyday, in the corner. There quite and Garretts always playing a Game Boy. Why?”

“Just wondering.”

“TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!!” she says. I bite my lip

“Nothing. I just hung out with them is all. And…”

“And..” she says then the line is dead.

----------------------------
prolly post tuesday night at the earliest after lullabies. typing right aftert this.
and i know theres no flashback thinggy... its cause i have a long one next that i dont know how to break into to so i just sisnt put one here.

thats where i am!!! send me a note and ill respond... super bored!

She sits on the tray, goes down the hill, bails right before the bushes, grabs the tray and runs up the hill. Everyone goes down a couple of times and is laughing by the time its dark and they part. Bobbie and Illana one way, her and Jules the other. Her and Jules are best friends, her means more to her then anyone and he knows it. She wants his approval only, after feeling like she let everyone else down, or they let her down. She takes her iPod out of her ear, he smiles. She only takes it out for him. He looks into her eyes, hallow and dark, he remembers when they were brown not black and would sparkle in the sun. now they just sit there, seeming to be holes in her head. “Did you get a dress?” he asks once they are out of ear shot.

“Nope, cant find one with long sleeves.”

“Then don’t cut for a week.” He says as if he’s saying its sunny outside. She looks down at her feet.

“You’ve met him…” she says. He rolls his eyes. He has met her step-dad, he is an ass, but he doesn’t think she’s making the right choice.

“Aren’t you excited? I mean it’s a huge step!” he says trying to cheer her up.

“Not at all! Standing in front of people who pretend to give a shit, say stuff none of them understand. Yeah I’m flippin’ stocked.” She says flatly but she’s smiling, he’s happier then he’s been all day. That’s his prize, she only smiles for him and he knows it. Then walk in silence. “Why?” he asks.

“42” she says. He smiles, “No really, it doesn’t accomplish anything.” He’s serious. She knows she has to answer him. She swallows around the lump in her throat.

“I don’t know what else to do.” She says as she hugs hug and heads up steps to her house, and into her room. Metro Station starts pouring out of her open window. She’s safe. He walks back the direction they came from 3 blocks to his house.

 

 

I run down the stair as soon as I get in the door, I live in the basement in my own “apartment” I have a mini-fridge, microwave, toaster oven and hot plate. The advantage to sending you off to live with you older sister and her friend was your mom feels bad and buys you stuff to make the move “easier.”  “KELSEY!!!” I yell from down stairs

“What!” my sister responds.

“Where’s my box of hoodies?”

“Kitchen” I run up the stair and grab my hoodie of the top. It’s a soft black zip-up my favorite! I call it my thunder jacket because it is really close to the one Martin wares in the “Thunder” video. I go back down the stairs. Change from my running gear into dark skinny jeans, a plain white t, classic converse and my hoodie, I reach into the pocket and feel the blade, smooth and round against my finger. I knew he was going to give it back. I pull it out of my pocket. The dulled razor blade has been attached to a delecate silver chain. I put it around my neck, the blade falling just below my shirt. I tuck it under my coller and head out.

 

“Going down the street be back before late.” I say to Hannah, she’s my sisters best friend, and known my family longer then me, literally. I head out, “Hey.” Pat says before I’m even out of my driveway. I see 3 other guys and Hayley by him. One of the guys is Garrett, the other is Kenny, a tall brown haired, green eyed guy wearing a purple shirt. The third guy is John, taller then the rest, with long brown hair that almost looks like a mullet. “I thought the people living there were like 2o.” Kenny says

“Yeah, I’m living with my sister and her friend.” I explain we all go through the formalities, introductions and such. Then we play soccer, how I miss playing. Ever since I moved to Tempe I’m not allowed to play, nothing from my life in Los Angeles. Kenny and I kill John, Pat and Garrett. We go inside and there’s PB&J and lemonade on the table. Some sort of inside joke I guess because everyone’s laughing. Pat put his hair behind his HUGE ears, “Thanks mommy” he says, sounding like a 5 year old. I go to the bathroom and pull out my phone. Do you know Garrett Nickelsen and Pat Kirch? I text to Brandi one of my two new friends, then leave and return to everyone else. WHAM! I’ve been tackled onto the couch.

------------------------
dont worry Amelia your in the next one!
i have alot more.. and a new lullabies... post this weekend!

I run, one lap around the venue, 3 miles. Thankfully they have showers. I shower, get dressed and open up the door to let the steam out before I blow dry my hair. “Rumor has it you sing.” I look up. Jack is standing in the doorway. “Nice to see you to.” I say sarcastically, “So, who lied to you skunk bot?” he rolls his eyes un-amused. “I doubt your tour manager would lie about that.” “So what am I your pillow talk” I snap. I’m willing to do anything to prevent him from knowing I sing. It’s embarrassing, not sure why but it is. “Look Alex won’t talk to me. What did you say?” So he’s here to get info on Alex. “Nothing….” I say while trying to think what I could have said. I’m confused. “which is worse then something to him,” Jack says. I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach,” Alex wants to play Remembering Sunday tonight,” he continues, “If you sing, then please sing Juliet’s part. If you don’t then don’t, but it would be a great birthday present.” That’s rite it’s Alex’s birthday. I blow dry my hair, unload the bus. I’ll sound check but I won’t sing. Not now. Not for Alex. Not ever.

 

I fall into the rhythm of a show. Sound check, change, wait, play, help Brandi with merch, watch The Maine and Metro Station, go meat fans. But not today, I stay, not sure why but I stay just off stage and watch All Time Low. “PRANK WAR!!!!!!!!!!!” Jack yells, “Dude, wait till there here!” Alex shouts back. But his eyes meat mine. I roll my eyes. I grab the mic Jack optimistically left for me. “Really wanna declair a prank war?” a say with a smile as I walk onto the stage. John O’ behind me also with a mic. Is this a set up? “Yeah you sure?” Alex smiles. Possibly the widest smile ever. “Bring it.” He says, and like that, prank war. The Maine and California Bound vs. All Time Low. John walks off stage and I go to fallow him but jack grabs my arm “Stay.” He whispers in my ear and Alex starts to play “Remembering Sunday” “You owe mw bug time.” I hiss back. “Fine, I’ll help you get Alex, just do this, for me?” I’m not sure why, but I agree. “where ever she maybe…” Alex sing. “I’m not coming back, I’ve done something so terrible,” I think its me singing. Yup it is. “Thanks” Jack says as I walk past him off stage when the songs over. I set my mic down and walk outside.

 

“Canada!” It’s Alex, “Thanks for that.” “Happy Birthday!” I say forcing a smile. “I didn’t know you could sing.” He says sounding confused. “no one does, did” I say. God, I have got to get out of this conversation! I see Rian about to climb on to our bus. “You’re a bad distraction.” I say to Alex as I Push him out of the way and head to my bus.

10/16

FUUCKKKKK!!!!  yes another rant get over yourselves! ok im posting this here and myspace! this isnt directed at anybody here i just needed to say it so here goes...
I need to start dealing with this weekends loss.... i hate losing [[sorry i sorta lost my temper at the game]] and i need to let it go but i cant and im failing chemistry and i have a d in history and frikkin straight A's beyond that. my race was canceled and league cup is this weekend. my brain is moving faster then i can process stuff and i think i may need to go back on meds. the stupid doctors still dont know whats up with my ADD and my mom is threatening to make me quit soccer and cross country... in the middle of season! and im not a quitter I may fuck up huge but I start something I finish it! My parents quit on stuff and that led to e being fucked up I learned my lesson before I had a chance my dad is breathing down my neck because of my grades and i "dont talk to him anymore because im a spoiled lil brat" great thing to hear from you father right? one of my best friend thinks im pissed at her and im not another good friend of mine wont tell me whats up in her life I haven't talked to my sister in over a month! And I think I need her more then ever! and i broke the one promise i needed to keep...... im dealing with all this stress horribly and about to fall back into old habits.... old habits that got me suspended, forced to see a shrink and a police record... so sorry i cant catch every fuckin ball and sorry if i roll my eyes once! alright! if you put a glasses on a shaky pedestal it will fall and break... well im falling are you gonna catch me? nope! your just gonna yell at me! make me stress out more! sorry im not perfect but as our lady peace said "superman's dead" if i looked how i feel i would have a pretty decent child abuse case going… i wanna disappear so i will... im going to withdraw myself before i crash to the ground and shatter.. again. ive worked hard to become mentaly stable again and im not gonna give it up. i fought my last battle alone and i dont plan on fighting alone again so thats why im posting these... so someone [[hopefully]] will read and listen... so im not alone again... my own thoughts are scaring me... and i hate it! so go ahead pick on me! i dont care... im going to my world... they know me there...i wont be online all weekend most likely... i wont be talking or running around at lunch or nutrition... i need to be left alone with my thought i have a lot to think about... like my future... with the PSATs and  [[by the way if you read all of this put "milkshake" in the comments.... ill have a surprise for you]] anyway the PSATs and all this college talk i realized i dont know what i want to do with my life! my whole life i thought i wanted to be a vet but i realized my dad wants me to be a vet hes been telling me that my hole life and i believed it... i believed i wanted to go to UC Davis... but maybe i dont... im seriously considering doing something else with my life.... something with music or sports i have no idea but not Davis... i never actually wanted to go there i had just been told that my hole life so i came to except that It was my dream. but it was my dads dream... homecoming is tomorrow and i dont think im going to go... im going to sleep and read.. no computer no internet.. no human contact... ill prolly rite alot so expect a new Whoever She Is.. and Lullabies when i get back..... and maybe even another new story... i wont be talking to people that much i just really need to evaluate my life and were im at rite now... get my priorities strait and see what i can really do because if you thought im superman... someone lied to you im not im a human and i need sleep... shit and i need to call my dad... night! peace  and "'Dont let yourself get in over your head' He said" is the best advise ever... and i should have listened!

its nutrition at school and im chillin in the computer lab on buzznet! ya i need a life!

I NEED TO ESCAPE! it's been over a year since i could see the stars and i wont be able too till atleast summer.... i hate it! as much as i love the city i hate it twicw as much! i need to be away from people! i really wish i had my lisence rite now! go to look out point or mojave! look our point prolly... just get some where quite where i can be left alone with my thoughts... i thought i was doing that... locking  myself inmy rrom ignoring people but im not! im just ignoring my thoughts twice as much! i had a tough day mentally and i  need to unwind! but i cant! and i sucks! i hate it! get me out of the fucking city!
LA sucks!
I'm running away... not sure when or where im going but i am i need out of here! its so routine an monotonouse [[misspelled SAT word!]] i need to get out of here... sorry to vent to all of you.... i just needed to get out what i could... maybe thats why ive been blogging so much latly [[myspace more then here]] i just need to sort out my thoughts to face them to face all my supressed ideas of the day... trying to talk doesnt work well i end up almost saying stuff im afraid to think... i need to see the damn stars! there are like 5 stars out side! its 10 17 at night and 5 stars i feel gyped! the stars are so pretty when you can see them... if you can see the stars go outside look st them enjoy them... some of us are depribed of such a simple pleasure..... so who want to pick me up and take me outta here?

Cassie bats her eyes at the guys and ignores the rest of them. She rolls her eyes and starts talking to Julian. Her and Julian can and have talked for hour about nothing. They just get each other like that. Bobbie, a taller black girl with long braids throws a fry at Cassie hitting square between the eyes. She, this girl, watches, detached mentally from the rest of the world. In her own world, she’s been spend more time there lately. She tugs her sleeves down grabs the back pack she uses as a purse and the tray. Throws the food away and walks out the back entrance, tray in hand. Bobbie, Ilana a Julian smile and run out of the restaurant. Leaving Cassie with all the trash and her own thoughts. Illana’s shoulder length, thick, light brown hair flies in the wind as she runs to catch up. Bobbie and Julian already caught up. They know what going on. And they’re all glad Cassie didn’t catch on. She always ruins the hill. I see her turn the corner, cut through the elementary school and run up to the top of the hill. She looks down the hill, the creek covered in thick, thorny bushes. If they knew her thought, would they stop her? Or would they let her go? She hears them laughing and talking behind her. She sets the tray down at top. Perfect, the sprinklers just turned off.

 

 

I walk back to the locker room, open my locker, grab my bag but don’t change. I leave school and start walking home. 3 weeks in town, 2 weeks of school, and I still get lost on my way home. I head off towards the liquor store, where I make a right, then I pray I don’t get lost. I start walking, put my iPod in and turn up Cute Is What We Aim For in my ears. About two houses down I notice there’s a yellow car pulling up beside me, Garrett in the drivers seat. Looks like I guessed rite and that is his car. The passenger, a small guy with long hair rolls down the window. “Want a ride?” Garrett asks.

“No, I’m fine thanks.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, thanks” I say and I start walking.

“Let me give you a ride.” He insists.

“Really I can walk it’s fine”

“He won’t take no for an answer” The passenger says, “He’s pretty stubborn”

“Pat shut up” I girl says and I see a finger flick him in the back f the head. I hadn’t noticed her before her hair down and straight, she’s pretty, and looks very happy.

“Pat’s right, I won’t” Garrett says, his brown hair sticking up in all directions.

“Fine, I’ll take a ride.” I say and reach for the backdoor. But Pat opens the front door and heads to the back. So I can sit up front. “Can you two be trusted back there?” Garrett says and I see a hand, Pat’s hand, hit him in the head. I laugh, and look over at Garrett  who’s rubbing his head where pat hit him and sticking out his bottom lip all pouty. I laugh harder, he looks so pathetic, like a puppy in the rain, only not as sad. “Where to?” Garrett says once he’s done wallowing in self-pity. “I’ll try to help you there, but I tend to get lost. I’m kinda new in town.” I manage to get to the house with out getting lost for the first time since we moved. The girl I learn is Hayley, Pat’s girlfriend [[I know that’ll make you happy!]] When we pull up to the house a loud “No way.” Come from everyone else in the car. I swear they practice that. “Well, I guess we got stops in one.” Garrett says, I’m so confused you could ask me my name and I wouldn’t know. “That’s Pat’s house.” Hayley says pointing to the house four doors down, on the corner, “We were heading there anyway”

 

“You’re welcome to come by later if you want.” Pat says. I tell him I’ll think about thank Garrett for the ride, say good bye and walk inside. Once I’m in I run to my room and tear through boxes looking for it.

I pause my iPod and turn around. “Y-Y-You scare easy” Pat says squinting against the light of the TV.

“No I just didn’t expect people to be up at 1 am. Why are you up anyway?” he looks at the farms passing in the dark. As if some how they have the answer. He doesn’t find it and looks into my eye.

“I-I-I don’t know”  Wow this boy does stutter a lot! “Just woke up and decided to come and see what was going on out here.” He turns around goes back to his bunk and I assume to sleep. Garrett comes back out. “Mason went to bed. So what’s your story?” I look at him dumbfounded.

“What?”

“You know your story.” He takes off his sunglasses. Even on a dark bus at night he’s wearing them. “I’m Garrett Daniel Nickelsen born in Boca Raton, Florida, moved to Austin, Texas for two years then Gilbert, Arizona. Your turn.” This can’t be happening, but it is. I tell him about growing up with Zack, good thing Zack wasn’t there I probably would have embarrassed him, bad. Then about moving to Boston. I stop there. On my 19^th birthday.  Then skip to my 20^th when we played our second show in Tempe and met The Maine. “You know it from there”

“Yeah I sort of do huh? I’m going to bed, night.”

“Night I say” I turn my iPod back on, Turn off the TV I sit staring out the window. Remember my dream “The dream” I miss my flight and start walking over towards the mall where she works only she not at work so I walk to the apartment but she’s not there I see the fire engines and coroner at the corner and then I wake up. Every time I wake up in the place. Only had it really happened at the time, I wouldn’t have gone after her. I would have waited in the airport. Mad as hell for the next flight anywhere.  It was my fault. All of it. I didn’t tell her I was leaving early. She was rushing home to find me. She ran the red light to make sure I was ok. It was all my fault.

Tear are running down my cheeks and the suns come up. I’ve been sitting here remembering for hours. I grab her acoustic that sitting on the bench seat and start to play “Lullabies” the song that Alex wrote for the same pain. The song that Cody started strumming in my room after the funeral. The song I listened to over and over again, the emotion in it more real then ever before. I sing it softly to myself then notice Amelia standing in the door way to the bunks. She was always the first one up. Always. In bed at 10 awake at 6. “I didn’t know you could sing” she says

“No one does, not even Zack.” She looks intrigued. We sit, talk, eat and laugh till everyone else wakes up. Then we all start playing video games and having one huge party at 11 in the morning.

We purposefully made it so we could get to Salt Lake City early. There’s two hour before we even have to think about unloading so we all go out for lunch then when we get back I do something I havn’t done in years. I grab my shoes, three miles around the arena and parking lot. I run.

------
this is prolly the last post till wednesday or thursday...
Girls Do What They Want  ws on The Hills... for like 10 seconds! what ever still love em!

Two years ago when I started to care about her story I did it out of spite. To prove she didn’t need to be looked out for. I was wrong. Summer 06 wearing a sweatshirt in the back of a Carl’s JR. with her “friends” 1 fake 3 real. They live in this Carl’s JR. See She can’t go home, one lives to far to walk, one wont allow people over, one is to selfish to even think about it and the other just isn’t a option. She tugs the sleeves down iPod in one ear, staring out the window at the cars driving by. A hand waves in front of her face, Jules’s. Jules’s real name is Julian he’s the only guy in the group so they call him Jules. “Marge, you excited?”

“For?”

“Yeah, she is out of it.” Cassie says pulling her tank top lower as a group of high school guys walk in.

 

 

When I catch up with Garrett I can hear Ivroy coming from his ear phones. I run one step behind him all the way to the Jack-in-the-Box. Its 2 blocks from the turn then 3 blocks to school. We go into the Jack-in-the-Box and get water. “Didn’t take you for a music nerd.” I say

“What makes you think I am?” he says filling up his cup.

“Your listening to Ivory, you have to be a music nerd to know who they are.”

“So your saying that everyone who listens to Ivroy is a music nerd?” I fill up my cup once he’s moved out of the way and head for the door. You walk till the turn then sprint to school, one of the many unsaid cross country rules.

“To an extent” We talk about music till the then he takes off, full speed, no chance for me to catch him. I run as fast as I can back to school when I get to the gate I see Garrett leaning on a yellow sedan, I’m assuming its his, I can see a guitar case of some for in the back seat. “Waiting to mock me for being slow?” I ask walkin to the track

“No, my mom thought me to hold the door for cute girls.” I blush and notice he’s holding the gate open with his foot.

 2:00 AM reads the clock. I hear voices outside. I stand up and walk out the hotel room. John and Max are sitting and talking on the floor outside my door. They look up at me when I walk out. I sit against my door next to John. Mason walks out of his room from down the hall as I sit down. He sets down next to Max across the hall from me. The four of us talk about nothing for an hour or two then Max and Mason head back to their rooms. Leaving me and John. I scoot over against the other wall. Its all fuzzy again. A week and I still can’t remember the whole night.

I look over at Garrett still waiting to hear the rest of his sentence it never comes. I watch him and Mason play halo for a good 20 minutes. In Silence then I sit down in the spot next to Garrett.  He makes a face and twists the controller. I see pieces of something, I’m assuming Mason, go flying across the screen. I look on the floor, a black MacBook is sitting open. Mozilla open to buzznet. “You can use it if you want.” Garrett says, “I’m kinda busy anyway.” I Pick it up and out of habit go to The Maine’s buzznet page. I look thru the picture and stop. “What a stalker!” I say.  “Who Pat?” Garrett says his eyes still glued to the screen. “I guess. Someone uploaded pictures of me to buzznet.” The game pauses, from Mason this time. I look in the chat log Masons Typed ‘1 am fridge raid be back in 5.’ Garrett looks over my shoulder at the picture. “Oh I guess I’m the stalker then.”

I keep clicking thru the rest of the pictures I that have been uploaded during the tour,nothing to unexpected. Half eaten food, Pat camera whore-ing. “Oh, I never answered your question huh?”

“No you didn’t” I say closing the browser

“So you wouldn’t let me sleep.” He says

“Care to elaborate?”

“I think I’m good.” He returns to his game and I go back to my bunk if I’m not going to sleep it mine as well be while listening to music. I grab my iPod and sit in the front lounge. I Turn Fuse on mute and watch. I feel a hand on my shoulder and jump.

I know that girl. The one running. But the girl running is not the girl I know. She’s the same person but she’s different. Way different. Her sleeves still long, her hair still brown, her head still confused. But her eyes are brighter, her smile, I didn’t think she knew how to. See when I first started caring about this girl’s story she was sad confused and in pain. But she had her best friend and she had hope. Hope in what I still don’t know but it was there. She’s still the same though she still lives and breaths music. She’s still conflicted she still filled with hate she still loves sports and she would still swim the ocean for Metro Station. But this girl, she’s happy she no longer has her best friend but she still has hope but now she knows what it’s in. How do I know? Well I know more then any one about this girl. I fixed her breaks I wiped her tears I held her hand. I didn’t fix every break or wipe every tear. Sometimes you can’t. And I don’t know everything. Nobody does. I’ve broken down he most walls but I haven’t broken them all down. How do I know? Because this girl this happy girl. I am her.

I stop in my normal spot. The path narrowing flattening out after a small down hill i get a sip of water and look out into the mountains. Someone runs into me. "Sorry" he says looking down. "It's ok." I say," I shouldn't have stopped here anyway." He looks out at the canyon too. "This is my favorite spot in the city" he says. "Are you new to cross country? I don't recognize you." I keep looking out. "Yeah I just joined last week" I say. "I'm Garrett" he says extending his hand "Canada, it's a nickname" I say taking his hand.  I let go. His hands are warm! Its been so cold lately he probably thinks my fingers don’t get circulation. "So... Canada, why did you join cross country?" I think about it. Not sure to honest "I needed to do something new." I say as I start jogging back to school. "Wait up" Garrett says passing me down the hill.

----
haha on the back of the so wrong its right cover it says "Unauthorized duplicaters will have their homes burned to the ground byt the band"
i love them!!

“The drunken hyena will never leave!” Eric says laughing really hard.

“The what?” Kenny says everyone laughing so hard they can barely speak.

“Drunken hyena.” I say before Eric get way to out of hand with everything. “see, arording to Eric when I laugh really hard I sound like a drunk hyena. As far as how he knows what a drunk hyena sounds like. That’s beyond me.” Everyone starts cracking up. On our annual family trip to Hawaii me, Sam, My mom Eric and one of my mom’s friends would always go. The drunken Hyena is a joke from those trips. And I’ve never been called a hyena besides in Hawaii. The night goes by. We have fun and then go outside to meet fans.  Then I say goodbye to Zack hasn’t said a word to him since the bus.

 

I wake up in a clod sweat some where between Vegas and Salt Lake City it’s been a week since San Francisco and a year since I’ve had “The dream.”  I get out of my bunk. It’s dark out side were moving, that’s about all I can figure out once I climb out of my bunk. I don’t know what time it is and I don’t want to know! I go to the back lounge. Garrett startles me when I open the door. He’s playing halo, he smiles when I walk in and pauses the game. “You alive? You’ve been talking in your sleep for a good 10 minutes and I’m surprised you didn’t wake anyone up.” I blush. I haven’t talked in my sleep, as far as I know, in years.

“Yeah, just a bad dream” he smiles and scoots over towards the window. Wait a minute, did Garrett Nickelsen just smile? Person of a million faces, none of which a smile, just smiled? This is a joke right? I pull the sleeves of my, Sam’s, green thermal. I still sleep in is after all of these years. Garrett hands me his controller.

“I fail epically at this, Imma kill your score!” he smiles again and I blush.

“it’s ok Mason already killed me twice.” Just then I realize theres a second player on the interface. ‘MMusso’

“So your just gonna let him slaughter me?”

“That was the plan.” he laughs. I grab the controller and attempt to play. 20 seconds and I’m dead.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” I ask handing Garrett the controller back.

“Insonmia?” He asks as if trying to see it it’s a sufficient answer for my question.

“Really why are you up?”

“You.”

“Did I wake you up sorry!”

“No… you didn’t wake me up…. You….” He trails off hits some buttons. “Got him! So you didn’t wake me up you just…..”

=============
Life sucks sometimes!

so when ever i run the in hills for cross country i stop right where it starts to go down hill and theres a wate fountain. and theres my favorite veiw of LA. in the middle of the city its all green you can see a corner of the valley and a li;l bit of the hollywood hills but its all wild and peaceful. i love it! and its what i think of when i think of LA nto moviestars or the beach but this place in the middle of a canyon looking at mountains. and i love it! just thought i would share!

There's a silence as the bus door closed the sound hovering in the air. The only thing that breaks the silence is my stomach. It doesn’t  growl it ROARS! Like a lion that hasn’t been fed in weeks. 

“You hungry?” I ask heading over to the fridge.

“No.” Good thing too. Living with 8 guys and 2 other girls means that there is no food on the bus. Ever! I head over to Metro Stations bus leaving Eric. They told us we were welcome to what food Mason hasn’t eaten at 1 am. There’s a box of Trix cereal and about a tablespoon of milk, a half eaten carton of take-out-Chinese-noodle-something-or-another. That’s it. I go back to our bus. Just beating Zack to the door, he fallows me in and then stops dead. He’s seen Eric.

“Hey” I hear Zack say. He’s shocked we may not be close or even good friends but I know he didn’t expect to see Eric on the bus.”I haven’t seen you since….” He trails off. We all know the end of the sentence and none of us want to hear it.

“The funeral” Eric finishes for him.

“Yeah.” Zack says flatly. Then walks away, out the bus, into the see of fans that just seemed to notice who he is.

“PART-AY” I can hear john yell. Then he runs into the dressing room. No use hiding on the bus now that Zack knows Eric’s here. John comes in a six-pack in each hand fallowed by Kenny, also clutching 2 six-packs. Pat, Garrett, Jared, Peter and Trevor filing in behind them, Zack lingers behind. We start joking and having fun then I start laughing hard, really hard. I haven’t even picked up a beer, I just got high off the energy of the party. Then I hear a phrase I haven’t heard since the summer before everything happened. Our last “family” vacation.

 

He leans in kisses me on the check then I pull away. “I can’t” I hear myself say.”I have a boyfriend” it’s a lie but it lets me escape back to my room. Where I lie wake for hours. Amelia and Brandi come back from the hot tub and I’m still cant sleep the alarm goes off and I’m still awake.

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post tomorro if i can!
comment this!

ok so i've been posting blogs alot latly... not sure why but i love it so here goes...
so i posted about asking "how are you" now heres one... compliments.... lil things go a long way! i doubt any one knows what im talking about but "atta girl" is a weird compliment that means alot to me [[WARNING: do not use it unless you are the person who uses it!]] a simple "good job" or "nice shoes" never hurt any body! and this is coming from someone who has no heart! so go ahead i have a challenge... compliment 5 peopel in the next 24 hours.
ready.set.compliment.

“New tour date… in… IDAHO!”

“IDAHO?!”  I don’t believe it!

“Yup, and… Metro Stations gonna show us the portal!” Brandi says hoping back and forth a little bit she so happy. We freak out jumping around while everyone else look at us like were crazy.

“Cool.” Zack says. I look up at the clock

“One hour!” I yell. Amelia and Brandi go back to the merch table. I change my sweat pants, black zip up, white tank top and flip flops for High top black converse with bright yellow accents, green skinny jean, my black Metro Station shirt and a red Zip up. Do my make-up and look at the clock. 10 minutes, here we go. Theres a knock on our door then Mason sticks his head in.

“Head on over, 10 minutes till you’re on.”He says.  We all walk down the long hall to the stage the once soft rumble of people is now a deafening roar. I put in my in ear monitor, grab my purple fender, reach into my pockets, empty. I reach into Cody’s jacket pocket. Bingo. I clutch the pick and walk out onto stage. I see him, off to the side standing next to the merch booth, staring at me and Zack.

After our set I got back to the dressing room. The guys all go in but I linger outside. Amelia comes around the corner. He’s wearing a grey tee dark and dark was jeans. His hair in hair classic fo-hawk. He’s had the same hair for as long as I could remember. Sam loved it. I walk over and give him a hug. Amelia already heading back to the merch booth. I lead him back to the bus were we talk. An hour later Alex, Jack, Rian and Zach walk on, wrench in Alex’s hand.

“Who’s this?” Jack asks raising an eyebrow.

“My…”

“Brother-In-Law?” Eric says. Best way I could ever put it. Him and Sam were never married but they dated for 9 years, Till the day. The day I could never forget.

“Never knew you had a sister” Jack says

“Me neither” Rian comments                                                          

“I don’t… I had one” I say, Erics gaze slides from jacks face to his feet.

“lets go guys” Alex says. And like that All Time Low’s gone.

“Been awhile since I’ve heard that.” I saw smiling already. How does he always make me smile? I’ve never laughed so hard as when I was with him. “So I’ve heard, your mom said you changed your name, started a band with Zack and neither of you talk to anyone anymore.”

“I started California Bound before I stopped talking to her, and the name change was cause I couldn’t stand the name after what happened. You understand.”

 “So, why did you call me out of the blue?”

“We’re in San Francisco and I saw AT&T park, thought of all the games I saw there. And someone made me think, and I thought of you. And that if I’m in this shape, you’re in….”

 “Worse?” I pause. He hit the nail on the head. I hear the people out side the door, I head back to the balcony, back to staring at the park.

“Yeah, worse. And I feel like I failed you by not being there and… Why don’t you just come down, I’ll explain it to you then. We go on at 8. I’ll have Amelia add you to the list so you don’t need to buy a ticket.”

“Fine I’ll get there as fast as I can. Does Zack know you called me?”

“No. But he doesn’t need to”

 “Marge, tell him I’m coming.”

“Fine, talk to you later”

“Bye.” I hang up. Look inside, The Maine is walking in to our room. I walk in, Garrett walks over says hi and gives me a hug. We talk about nothing for a half hour or so. People joining and leaving the conversation.  Brandi comes in announcing 5 minutes till doors. CRAP! I track down Amelia. “Hey can you add someone to the list, please!”

“Sure who?”

“Just an old friend.” I write Eric’s name down for her and hit play on the CD player. All Time Low blares through the speakers. I start to straighten my hair which doesn’t want to be straight. It was Alex! That’s right! I could remember telling someone why I didn’t want to play this venue. That’s how he knew! He lead me back to his room, I grabbed Sam’s guitar, MY guitar. Its my guitar now. No, who am I kidding. It will always be hers. We start talking, next thing I know I tell him about her, everything that happened. He grabs the guitar and starts to play “Lullabies”. I stop him. That song helped me so much. But I can’t stand it. Not anymore. He leans towards me.

“You need this?” I jump, burning myself with the straightener. I look in the mirror, Garrett holding up my make-up bag. “Umm… yeah, thanks” “no problem you need ice, I didn’t mean to scare you there. “No I’m ok.” There’s a soft roar from the other room. “Doors. Fun.” Garrett says. 2 hour till show time. Here goes nothing. “Oh Canada! Great news!” Amelia’s practically squeaking she so happy and brains beaming beside her. “What Miley Cyrus died?” “No!” Amelia says “I wish” Brandi adds. Amelia rolls her eyes then yells.

"Well they can take, take, take the kids from the summer. but theyll never, never take the summer from me"

------------

Got So Wrong, Its Right today!!!
and we won... but i killed my GA... but i think its still pretty low....
game tomoro against the only other undefaeted team.

by the way... italics are just random lyrics that i feel like adding... most likly [but not defanetly] having nothing to do with the story

Back into the dressing room. Mason and Jack are in there talking to Amelia and Brandi. Garrett and John are fighting with Cody over god knows what. I set my stuff down and head over to the balcony over looking the San Francisco bay. I see AT&T Park in the distance. I remember the many times I watched the giants. The train rides. The trips to 7-11 at 4am after going to a concert. I’m lost in memories when I hear the door open behind me I keep looking at the park. I feel arms hug me from behind then a head on my shoulder. “Having fun all alone out here?” “Having fun stalking me?” I say sarcastically while pealing Alex’s arm off of my stomach. “Who said I’m stalking you?” “the fact that your fallowing me maybe?” I sill can’t take my eyes off the park. “So I heard this is your where you played your first show.” “I thought you said you weren’t stalking me.” “Also the first time you sister saw you play.” “Only time” I still cant look away from the damn baseball park! There’s a couple of minutes of silence, then Alex breaks it, “It doesn’t get easier, hate to break it to you. So I suggest finding a way to deal with it. Zack too” “Zack has nothing to deal with.” I snap. But Alex is already gone. Back inside, to the real world leaving me in dreamland. I pull out my phone and call Eric. No answer.

 

“Time to set up for sound check” I hear Brandi yell at me. “You alright, Canada? Your kinda not here today.” “Yeah, sorry, just distracted.” “Its ok, now go set up.”

 

After sound check I have a missed call from Eric. I call him back. “Marge?”

 

*Come one, Come all your just time, to witness my first break down.*

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I already have like the next 5 Writen just need to type it up!

 

so once i get my laptop tomoro ill type and post.

but ypu need to comment this first :P

 

maybe cause there posers! ahh ok mafia will attack... so stupid lil shake it fan who posted this have fun being riped. to. shreads.
http://www.metrostationmusic.com/content/omg-so-i-hate-to-be-like-this-lolz-but
oh by the way my user name is "thesoccergk"

When I get to the trailer Pat and Trevor are unloading the rest of Pat’s drums. “Everyone’s inside” Pat says as I pass him going into the trailer. “Ok” I go into the back of the trailer and grab my 2 guitars. In the dressing room Brandi Amelia and Jake are watching a video on Amelia’s laptop. I set my stuff down and head back to the buss for Zack, Cody and my suitcase. There’s another bus, All Time Lows bus, parked out side when I get there. I stick my head in the trailer yell for Zack and Cody to grab there stuff and start setting up for sound check, grab my suitcase from under the bus and start walking back. “Canada!” Shit I think. I turn and face Alex. “Can we talk.” It’s a statement not a question. “About what? I told you I can’t.” He smiles but there’s hurt in his brown eyes. “Look I got sound check in… 45 and my brothers being a pain. I’ll talk to you later. If its that important it can wait.” He looks at me serious. “I’ve waited to say something important before. And I learned my lesson, I won’t wait.” “Have fun talking to yourself.”  I say as I turn Around and walk back to the dressing room. I’m too afraid to look back. Twice, in two days, I am a horrible person, I don’t think John’s ever been more right in his life. But I’ve never been so alone in my life. Alex could deal. I couldn’t.

Were all sitting around a hot tub2 miles from “home” I look up see the stars and realize I have to do something. I head back to my room but I’m intercepted in the hallway. I can’t remember damn it! Who was in that hallway? I head to sound check trying to remember, I can see them walking towards me. Who was it? What happened? It’ll have to wait till later.

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I gots me a title!
and dont worry guys... metro's in it later....
comment! be on when i can!
i semi have a cliff hanger... this is from memory not exactly how i wrote it but i like this more!


Note: the Title is signifigant to the story!