Whoever She Is

11.28.08 is/was the best nioght of my life!! ok so ill start with waking up around 10... ate a piece of pumpkin pie and watch 3 episodes of SURS (steven untitled rock show) then left to go to the metro station concert, with 100 dollers to buy merch and my camera! i picked up chrissy and we were out of the car around 230 (doors were at 530) we found the line and it was really really rediculously short (RRRGLT refrence!) so we went in search of busses! we found metros and tygas! then desided that the vans werent there and we would go wait in line its 4 by this point! so we wait in line theres maybe 20 people in front of us and i walk down the balcony just so my legs dont stiffen up and i look to my left and metro's sound checking, the doors are wide open so i lwatch for about 10 seconds then get yelled at the door got slammed shut... oops! anyway so aroung 445 they let all the early entrance people into the forye and then at 5 they turned on theses screen and you could text stuff and the would put it up... i texted twice..... (CASH CASH OWNS!!! and i love the maine) just cause i felt like it the third time i texted "stay the fuck out of the secene" but we were already inside by then. so me and chrissy are second row but i den get my hand on the baracade and after and hour of inching my hads are about a foot apart and when cash cash came on i had chrissy push me so i had baracade! i was the only one (around me) that knew the words and i sang all of them on the top of my lungs! even lush and concerta! anyway.... so JP was like all you ever wanted you can buy at our merch table and since i was standing in front of Alex (and alex is hot....) i screamed can i buy alex! causing JP to look confused and alex look really embarrassed! :D so after party in your bedroom while cash cash was taking down i asked alex (no begged) him to play two days old! (we had been having small convos between songs all show) and he told me after the show acoustic at there van. then JP threw one of his bracelettes to a girl and i asked Alex for something cause he was standing there and after telling me he needed all him bracllettes and necklaces he said one sec and ran off stage, he came back with one of anthonys drum sticks and when he tryed to hand in to me tht chick next to me went to grab it so he pulled it back and said no its for her and handed it to me. i was on cloud 13!!!!!!!!

then white tie afair came out and they blew me away! the lead singer
 came along the baraceade and whiped his forhead then grabbed my hand so my hand was dripping in his sweat... ya gross! so i wipedit on chrissy! :D then i let her have the baracade spot for tyga! now any buzz i had was gone! tyga killed it! he killed the energy in the room and it just sucked! i mean really sucked! nobody was moving or anything we just wanted him off! thennnnn.....

METRO STATION!!!!!!! first mitch (whos name i kept randomly yelling just to make him turn around and look confused!) came out and set up then we saw blake off stage and "mr. mullet" (billy ray cyrus) was there with some smaller child of his! dont ask me who i have no idea! then mitchell musso walked over. billy rae did a lil wave then exitied and then the amazing boys took over! by wish we were older i was blacking out and it was not fun! i didnt get anything for them and i left right as control started baught 80 dollers in merch and went in search of cash cash for my acoustic of two days old after 45 minutes of walking around down town yelling "WHO KNOWS WHERE CASH CASH IS?!?!?!" i headed back to the venue just in case, i found mitch! and fallowed him to metros bus, that they werent on, and then went to were cash cash was suposted to be but didnt find them, on our way back to the venue (again) we found mitch again! he asked how i knew his name and i told him im a stalker. you should have seen his face, i tryed so hard not to laugh then told him ant and blake cams!

so after 4 difrent people from the venue and one of the guys from tyga's crew telling us cash cash had hit the road we headed back to the car, and met up with my mom who had been at the car show across the street the entire time! and we saw the penzke truck metro uses instread of a trailer and mitch yet again! and we say two guys hanging off the side when they jumped off and i saw there faces i realized it was JP and cash cash's merch guy (sorry brandi i dont remeber his name but he remebered you!) since the venue had merch people already andso JP promised me next time there in town he would play me two days old acoustic! (and he better!!!) anyway..... so i asked JP to sign my shirt (the purple cash cash brings the party to my bedroom one!) and then asked him if he remebered brandi and her sister from the atlanta show.... i really with i had it on film! best "oh shit" face ever!!!!!!!!!! hahaha he quikly changed it to a smile then told me to tewll her he said hi, whats up? i offered to call but they were in a huge rush! i then yelled at mitch again and went home! good day!!!! so yaeh final tally:
-1 cash cash bag
-1 "cash cash bring the party to my bedroom"shirt (signed)
-1 tour shirt
-1 metro station shirt (flying sauser one!)
-1 cash cash EP
80 dollers well spent!
so yaeh sorry thats oober long!

i hate the damn rain and its raining and i have to pratice in it... boo! 

Before I could make it to sound check someone grabbed my elbow. Figuring it was one of the guys I blindly swiped my arm back, smacking Amelia in the stomach. “Sorry!” I said feeling terrible she looked up at me and said, “You. Me. Aim. Hot Chocolate. Tonight.” I smiled and nodded. And headed over to the stage. When we first met I told Amelia everything! But it was over AIM, now I couldn’t tell her anything, afraid of seeing her reaction, so we do what we did all those years ago, sat at our laptops, drinking hot chocolate, typing it all out. I sound checked and sat on the floor of the dressing room we were sharing with The Maine, convenient.  They weren’t in there thankfully they were hanging out with friends, this was there home show, and they were happy to be home. Zack leaned up against the wall then slid down it next to me and looked at me. “You had the dream last night, you miss her, you broke Garrett’s heart and you want to die.” He said matter-of-factly. Why could he read me like a book now? How did he know about Garrett? “Garrett told me about last night, he said that it hurt you more then him.” I nodded and walked out to the buses. Pulling out my phone.
“Marge? We don’t talk in years now your calling me every two weeks?”
“Haha, Eric, do you blame me?” In the two years since my sisters death we had never talked about it. I heard a sigh and I could tell he was getting emotional.
“No.” he said flatly.
“Why not? I’m the reason she was rushing back. I’m the reason she ran the red light. I’m the reason she got him by the…” I trail off.
“Train?” I look up to see Alex standing there. I wipe away the tears that formed in my eyes and that are running down my cheeks.
“Marge, she ran that red light, the train couldn’t have stopped and you didn’t” he stops taking a big gulp probably of air. “You didn’t call her telling her to get home, telling her that you were gone and that she needed to get home before you went anywhere.” He sighs again.
“It’s not your fault! You were worried about me had I told you I was going home you wouldn’t have freaked out.” I say. Alex is now next to me on the couch he arm around my waist. Brandi walks on the bus and motions for me to leave. “I, I have to go” I say to Eric, we say our good byes and I hang up my phone but don’t move. Silently Alex gets up gets me a glass of water and hands it to me. Then helps me wipe off my face and over to the venue. Max hands me my guitar as I head out on stage. And play like nothing ever happened.
When I get off stage I go back to our dressing room, The Maine already heading out to there set. I sink into the wall again Alex walks in. “thanks, for earlier” I say.
“Not a problem.” He gives me a hug, “Sometimes you just need some one to sit with you because theres nothing to s-“
“BAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSS!” then we’re tackled into a dog pile of some sort.
“Hi Jack.” I say laughing.
“Hey, hate to ruin the moment but this primate needs to warm up.”
“this coming from a guy that could pass as a monkey!” Alex says standing up. “See you later.” He says smiling. I nod and head back to the bus.
Amelia’s already signed on and a hot chocolate is waiting for me. We IM for over an hour, about everything then Alex walks in. “AMELIA!” I yell and I see her sign off and walk out, I close my own laptop.
“Yeah, oh right I have to help Brandi with merch.” She says and heads off the bus. “Mean Girls?” Alex asks pointing to the DVD case. “Sure.” I say we go to the back lounge and watch lying on the couch me squishing him into the back of the couch. His arm around my waist the other hand playing with my fingers. And I drift off to sleep, in the arms of Alex Gaskarth.    
“Sing me to sleep, I’ll see you in my dreams. Waiting to say ‘I miss you, I’m so sorry’”
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alright the formats weird sorry... its over... thats it... so yaeh... talk to you guys later!

ok last one is writen and on my laptop. ill post it when i get home! haha new story soon.

My eyes shoot open, “A-A-Alex? What the fuck are you doing here?” I’m not sure why but my heart is racing and I’m terrified. But of what? Him? No!  What he’s going to say? Maybe.

“Garrett got me when our bus pulled up, said you wouldn’t wake up.” Everyone had left in different parts of the bus and out side I slide my fingers through the first inch of my hair before they get stuck in the knots. I sigh pulling my hair into a bun. “What do you want?” I ask, cold, bitter. He’s the reason I told Garrett off, but I don’t want him. Do I?

“Ouch. I want to make sure your alive.” He said a smile on his face. His brown eyes jokingly mick my in there reflection. I stand up pushing him down as I plug my iPod into my ears and head to the bathroom, backpack in hand. I brush my hair, put on make up and a “The Maine says CSWS” shirt, white and black striped knee high socks, a pair of Zack’s Vans, mine were missing and inspected my self. The basketball shorts that I wore as pajamas didn’t watch. “A. E. Wright Middle School Be Your Physical Best” they read bright blue. I had long ago picked at them so it said “BE            Physical        “ but you could still see the shadow of the other leaders. A knock on the door. “What?” I snap.

“You OK?” Zack asked through the door, “Everyone’s afraid to ask you, even Amelia and Brandi” I sign for the fifty millionth time since I woke up.

 “Bring me a pair of skinny jeans and boxers from my suitcase and I will be I say through the door.

“You know most girls wouldn’t be caught dead in boxers.” He says I open the door walk past him and out to the trailer. No one was out yet, I grabbed a pair of maroon boxer-brief out of my bag and clean skinnys out of Cody’s. what can I say, boxers are more comfy then giry underwear, and they don’t ride up your ass!  “Those are mine, and I don’t mean the boxers” he yelled when he saw me grab them.

“Suck it.” I said going back onto the bus. And pulling on my clothes, my legs nice and warm under the high socks and jeans. Technically the jeans were mine, Cody stole them years ago, I was just taking back what was mine. I smiled and heard a loud beep from my bunk NEW TEXT.

From: Cod-sters

Can I have my pants back. I need em.

p.s. don’t eat me :)

 I texted back

 You get one or the other.

Another beep

Don’t pee in my pants please!

I laughed and walked out of the bus. “We need to talk” I turned to see john, rolled my eyes and walked over to the dressing room.

“after sound check” I said flatly over my shoulder.

i dont know the rest... sorry im a jew. but i do know im getting kicked
out of ap chem and "you need to find an exit out of the class" ouch so
yeah asap im out of the class... what ever i died loving all the
amaingness! :D

so the maine's van was broken into leading to their GPS and johns ipod being stolen... now there safe is missing! according to Fearless_trash the safe had 70 thousand dollers in it! thats crazy! the poor guys! someone just stole there sallery not just their wallets or extra cash but the money they made working hard everynight being  well amaizing! selling merch it sucks that people can be such ass holes!

oh, they made me feel like shit. but its ok cause i found the video! after john saying it would be up and bridget from fearless saying not till thursday i found the music video for everything i ask for... oh and im spazzing like crazy! to the point that my dog in hiding under my beed. oops?
ok so jared in glasses! kennys face after he gets slaped johns model walk pat puting make up on a model. garrett eating something off a models head. yeah id say it was a sucssesfull video!
linkage:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqWHHP5YorQ

best fan fic line ever!

"some things are meant to be held close, and left unsaid."
----
yeah so if you know my past ( no one know the hole thing do so dont try)
this means alot, cause i barried most of those demons and they are left unsaid and held close, inside my inner most wall, the wall i havent even broken down yet.

I looked at my phone. She must have dropped the call I have full service. Tonight we lie awake. I flip my phone open.

“And, he kissed me.” I say still in shock that it happened. I feel a smile creep across my face.

“He kissed you? Didn’t you just meet him today?” she shouts back.

“Yeah, but I don’t know. I’ll see you Monday.” And I hung up. Rolled over and fell sleep looking at my All Time Low and Metro Station posters, remembering my old life.

 

 

She sits in her room his words echoing in her head. But she cant do it, she’s not strong enough to. She sits at her computer and loses herself, time and all feeling in familiar faces. Faces of people she’s never met yet she knows them better then she knows her own brother .The faces of her idols staring back at her. She smiles. Over time the pictures grow old and new ones get posted. She memorizes them, the faces the poses the color of their eyes and shirts. Family comes, she put up a front says she’s happy to see people she would be happy never seeing again, so she thinks. But time passes, family leaves, she is supposed to be different now, she’s not. She goes through the religious stuff and comes out feeling the same. Alone, she goes to school and fades into the background once more. Doing just enough to pass, come Christmas she goes to the one place she feels safe.

She walks past Jules’s house, taps on his window and keeps walking. He knows It’s her, he knows where to meet her, on the swings at the park, were they talk. When he gets there he sees her shoulders slumped and shaking head down hood pulled up iPod undoubtedly in her ears. He sits on the swing next to her and waits. She’ll talk when she’s ready. “I hate him.” She says tears all down her face, her hair sticking to the lines, eyeliner all the way down to her chin her pulls her swing closer and hugs her, holding her close. His heart beat is steady and calms her. He pulls away and sits on the grass looking up at the clouds passing over head. “he has no right, and nobody cares it’s like they don’t hear him! I KNOW THEY FUCKING HEAR HIM!” she says still crying un controllably. “What did he say?” He asks, his tone steady but concerned. “Did he touch you I swear I’ll kill him if he did.” She laugh at the idea of he best friend fighting her father, Jules is just to small to scrawny. “No, just yelled that I should have been aborted before I could grow into the devil I am today.”  “My house it is.” He says and helps her up. She has dinner at his house and spends the night. They did this often, his parents understood that she couldn’t go home sometimes.

 

 

At school on Monday I walk into homeroom. “Spill.” Brandi says and I explain that we hung out then he walked me home and kissed me good-bye.

“It was only a peck.” I say throwing my hands in the air, surrendering to her stares.  At nutrition we stand out side of Amelia’s third period she’s the youngest, me and Brandi are sophomores and she’s a freshmen. We can see the hole quad from the second story ledge. The preps, the emos, the music “freaks”, the football team, and the rest of the jocks, disbursed through out the crowd the only thing setting them apart it a duffle bag over there shoulder in addition to a backpack. I adjust my own “Carona De Sol XC” duffle bag on my shoulder. “See told you he was a video game playing nerd!” I look to where Amelia’s pointing, Garrett sits across a table from Hayley and Pat playing a gameboy while they are lost in there own conversation.  “Go sit with him” Brandi suggests already pulling me down the stairs.

 When we reach his table he pulls an ear phone out of his ear. “What are you listening to?” Amelia asks. “Death Cab for Cutie” he says, but his gaze shifts from her to me. I look at him, black sunglasses, black v-neck tee-shirt with a flying pig I recognize at the Glamour Kills logo and very tight jeans. I tug the top of my own skinny jeans up. And look over my shoulder, Amelia and Brandi are gone. “What to sit?” he asks scooting over so I can. I look at the seat. “Sit down before he crys” Pat says. I had almost forgotten him and Hayley were there. I sit down and he hands me an ear phone. And catholic school is vitouse as roman rule.

the atlantic was born today and i'll tell you how:
the clouds above opened up and let it out.

I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
when the water filled every hole.
and thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
making islands where no island should go.
oh no.

those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
the rhythm of my footsteps crossing flood lands to your door have been silenced forever more.
the distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
it seems farther than ever before
oh no.

I need you so much closer (x8)

-instrumental break -

I need you so much closer (x4)
so come on, come on (x4)
---------
as far as garretts tattoos...
so the hearts are a matching tattoo...
then new one is lyrucs (i have a feeling also for rachel)
now what do the birds stand for?

i have to write a story fo renglish involving super heros... this is what i got so far! suggestions would be loverly!

“Do you have any 2s?” Marc asked.

“Nope, even with x-ray vision you suck at this game.” Trey said to him. This was our weekly game of go fish. I couldn’t tell you how it started were just done it for as long as I can remember. Every Friday night at 5 we go over to Brice’s house and play. Trey, Marc and Brice are superheros, I, Anthony am not. I’m the only none hero that knows there identity. We all met in Kindergarten, they were told not to tell anyone except each other about there powers, by forth  grade I knew all of there powers. We’re all nineteen now, living in Tempe, Arizona with other superheros.   There are eight in Tempe, The three of them and five others that already live here. We all had to move or have their powers taken away. Not that their powers do any good. Marc has x-ray vision, Brice has the ability to play any instrument with his mind, that’s never come in handy, ever. And Trey, he stops hearts for thirty seconds, freezing the person in time, for thirty seconds, again never comes in handy.

“Dinner” Pat called from the top of the stairs. Pat, Gary, John, Kenny and Jack are already sitting at the table when we get there. Kenny must have cooked because there was nothing cooking five minutes ago. Kenny has heat vision, in Arizona I wish he had cold vision, does that even exist? I put salad, mashed potatoes and steak on my plate. Gary got a funny look on his face. “Gary don’t!” John said to him. Gary’s power was that he could yell super loud here’s the problem, it only worked if a cuss word was n the sentence he was yelling. John could read minds but couldn’t tell who’s mind he was reading. They were “The Reject Heros.”  That’s what they called themselves. They weren’t aloud to use there powers outside of the house. The CIA had tried to make heros. They made twelve and I’m eating dinner with eight of them. The other four are well know and actually can use there powers. Superman, Batman, Spiderman and The Hulk. They live in New York, while were stuck here trying to be normal. Easy for me because I am. But the guys aren’t so lucky, and I really wish I could find away to make them happier, to let them use there powers.

After dinner I went up to my room. The door shook and I assumed Jack was running down the halls. Shake. Shake. And so it goes, his super speed comes with super energy that he has to burn off. Being stuck in a house doesn’t help him, so he rums alps around the place. Pat walked into my room. “Anything?” he asked hope in his voice. I shake my head, still reading. “Sorry, I promise I’ll tell you guys as soon as I have anything.” He nods, his shoulders slouching in defeat and he slowly shuffles out of my room. Pats super power, if you can call it that, is imaginary friends. In ten seconds flat he has a person, what they look like and there entire life story.

              I couldn’t sleep. Again so I went to the front lounge and started eating trix cereal. Right out of the box, because face it any other way just isn’t right. I had my ipod in and was playing my acoustic playlist, but not really paying attention to what was being played, I was watching the scenery go bye. I walked up to the driver, “Can you pull over?”  I asked. He looked confused but nodded, a minute latter I was walking down a slight embankment and looking up at the stars. I felt arm come around my waist and head was on my shoulder, I turned to see who it was and saw Garrett smiling at me, “Can’t see the stars like this in the city.” He said looking up. I let myself sink into his embrace. “Sure can’t” I said. We stood there looking at the stars for go knows how long, when I stared shivering from being so cold. Soccer shorts and a tank top was a bad choice of clothing when its 3am in the middle of winter. He hugged me tighter but I was just to cold. I slipped out of his grip and walked but up to the bus. I sat down on the bench and grabbed a blanket to warm myself up. Garrett sat down next to me. “Why are you up?’ I asked. “You have a way of not letting me sleep” I said smiling. “Meaning?” I asked confused. “Meaning, I can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking about you, wow that was cheesy, sorry” he said looking extremely uncomfortable. Here we go I thought just like a million times before. “Garrett, look I’m sorry for anything that I may have said or done to make you think different but, I only think of you as a friend.” I watched the smile fall form his face and his blue eyes go from lighting up the room to cold, and hurt.

             I felt a small bit of happiness rise inside of me, and I hated myself for it. I thought back to the night in LA with john, when he told me that I like hurting people to cover up my hurt. “I don’t know what your hurt is.” He had said before walking away. Garrett turned his head, looking at the TV, “It’s ok” he said, but it wasn’t I knew better, I had spent the past month a bus with him, he wasn’t alright but there was nothing I could do about it now. I stood up grabbed a tissue and handed it to him so he could wipe the single tear that was falling down his cheek.

            “I’ve got your run away smile in my piggy bank baby” I smile as I turn the corner, Zack is playing an acoustic guitar and Cody’s singing, Boys Like Girls of all bands. It’s been years since I’ve seen them be so happy, I don’t know what happened but no on will tell me. Tim had called Cody this morning with huge news and everyone knew with in 5 minutes everyone that is, except me. But I was happy to see my brother so happy. So I wasn’t going to complain, yet.  “What did you do?” pat says in my ear, I turn around shocked. “What?” I say “Y-y-you did something to him.” He gestures to Garrett. Oh man! I explain to Pat that I told him I just wanted to be friends. Pat looks pissed and walks off. “Wow, you pissed off Garrett and Pat.” Alex says walking over to me. “Not now.” I say and walk to the bus, I close the curtain and lie down in my bunk. “MORNING SUNSHINE!” Alex says poking his head through. “Nice try, but its only been 2 minutes since I last say you.” He looked defeated, then he reached over and scooped me up throwing me over his shoulder before I realize what’s going on. He sets me down on the couch in the back lounge. “So, what did you do.” “Im a horrible person.” I say he smiles

           “I know that, but what happened”

           “I hurt someone I care about because of my sick twisted mind” Alex looks at me, confused.

           “You told him you just wanna be friends?” I nod and fall onto his shoulder a tear forms in my eye and I watch it make a mark on his Glamour Kills shirt. I walk back to my bunk pull the blankets over my head and fall asleep.

            “Canada, wake up.” Brandi was saying, shaking me lightly. “That’ll never wake her up!” Kenny yelled, I didn’t move. I felt a finger lift open my eye lid. “Wake up!” he said in my face. I grunted and rolled over. “I got it!” Zack said. “Do it I kill you!” I said but he did it anyway. SMACK! Right across my face I popped up slapped him and went back to sleep, “Better sleep with one eye open, Fatty!” I said to him. He’d lost weight over the years and was now as skinny as could be but I still called him fatty. It was a joke, one of the few surviving things of my childhood. Fell back asleep thinking of the years spend sitting at my computer while he sat on my bed talking about music.

            “WAKE THE FUCK UP!” Peter yelled, fallowed by Garrett, John, then Kenny. “I will not be the cause of your idiotic games.” I said, not moving. “Come on it’s the last day you can sleep tonight!” Alex said reassuringly. Wait what? Alex? What was he doing here?

so there was a rally in west LA on thursday where i belive 7 people were arrest. i happen to know one. not personally but i feel like i do! ive never heard a single negative word or anything to hurt anyone at all ever! he is a gay man and was at the rallys. he was arrested and the story and video that go with are horrid! please read and help him! repost if you want anything to help him out!  his name is Marc (panasonicyouth) and he is an incredablw human being! please help him. here is a link to his page where he posted the story. or as much of it as he could legally.

http://www.buzznet.com/web/community/journals/entry/3336291/my-experience-reverse-prop-8/

and Savannah (tryingtofindthewords) is trying to help with the money situation! heres the link for that!

http://tryingtofindthewords.buzznet.com/user/journal/3336681/raising-money-awareness-aka-you/
 
i plan on buying a braclette and i hope you do too! Marc is now 4000 dollers in debt and thats just for legal charges so far. he still has a court date and has to find a lawyer! please stop the hate! cant we all just get along?
 

since 8 so lik e3 hours my da has been riding me abour going to sleep. and all thsi shit about having a social life and how i wont go to collage if i have a social life.. i dont even know! its stupid and annoying as hell!

We sat across the table from each other. Trace’s annual end of summer party. After spending every summer in La this was my first time invited to the party. Mason was my first “summer love” I’ve had boyfriends before but over summer across the country from home it was different. I hope it will last into fall but I know deep down it wont. Tonight’s it. I’m normally shy at first but this summer I wanted to be different at the pier where me, Amelia and Brandi always kick off summer I decided I would be happy and care free starting with running down the pier full speed. And right into Mason. He invited us to hang out and it was history form there. I look across at him a tear forming in my eye I take a deep breath say goodnight and head back home. We’re done, it had to happen. Back to real life. I go back to Idaho while he stays in LA. Both of us broken hearted. I get home the next morning. All I want to do is go back to him. And stay in his arms forever, we go back to our lives, trying to pretend it never happened. Except, I can’t stop thinking of him, ant the summer. If I try hard enough I can still feel his arms wrap around me. We didn’t want it to end but it did. August is over.

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thats all for now!
its my first one shot. what do you think!
and better yet...
what do you think of the maines halloween costumes?